The Buddha Teaches the Buddhu

They say that fear brings out old memories, and memories bring out old fears. (Hmm., sounds like a 15 Marriage Anniversary Quote) 

Yesterday i unwittingly accepted a lift home from a group of young boys who had just traded 
their diapers for seat belts, little did i know that their driving antics would drive me to the diapers.

That made me reminiscent of the time i learnt to drive the car - ah! those were the good old days, when you needn't have robbed the bank for a liter of petrol. I still remember the first day the car driving instructor turned up for the fist lesson. He looked like a black buck deer with the personality of a docile farm rabbit.

Initially i was under the impression that he would give me a theory lecture on how a car works, the different signs, driving etiquette (sadly now extinct, today you need to master profane words before you sit behind the wheel.).

Boy! - I was in for a surprise, we came out of my spacius house and sat in a "cutting edge" Maruti 800. A green/blue beat up jalopy with many exposed metal edges cutting into the skin. 

He made me sit in the drivers seat, asked me to start the car and said "Drive!!!", completely refusing to acknowledge my terror filled face. With trembling hands, akin to those of an aging gynecologist - i took to the wheel and was bewildered at the array of Paddles on the floor.
Nonchalant to my dilemma - my guru instructor said - "Off the clutch" (was he off is rocker, the only thing clutching was fear on my intestines!

It must have been a lucky day, because with my foot i took a stab in the dark and landed on the clutch and did something funny with a stick on my side, and the car suddenly jerked and shuddered, like a dolphin having an orgasm, and away we went barreling down the road.

My instructor was this strong silent type - speaking in sutras like the buddha - "point the car on the left side of the road, and that is it, you have learnt to drive." He was a very medtitative person too, most of the time closing his eyes and contemplating on God - or was it in complete resignation to my driving skills (i still dont know).

Five minutes into the drive - i could not believe how butter smooth i was driving, only to notice that on this modified vehicle the instructor had another set of paddles on his side.
So there we were paddling furiously - it brought to mind the Ooty lake, which is a famous destination spot for newly married couples. They come all the way to ooty - traversing 14 hair pin bends, a lot of puking later they arrive jelly legged only to hire a paddle boat (which is a little thicker than a disposable plate) and start their married journey. The experience is a lot like marriage - two people paddling furiously, kicking up a lot of froth, but going no where but in circles. How do you know they are newly married, easy! the wife will look like a bangle shop and the husband would be looking over his shoulder every 15 seconds, because he still cant believe that someone actually married him.

Anyways - lets leave the newly married couple in the drink ., oops., lake and head back to my torture., oops., driving lesson.

A few kilometers of driving later, we stop at a village temple, because my instructor believed that one must pray to God before "serious driving". He must have secretly decided that after i got the license - my passengers would become God Conscious Suddenly.

So we arrive at the Village God temple - to find that the God was over 9 feet high, with a ferocious face and fangs, with a raised Sword and a Cup (for a pound of flesh?). Couldn't my instructor have taken me to a more docile God - rather than a Blood and Guts type?

Needless to say i had other students with me, and i finally got my license. 

That was in the year 1998 (i think) - i have never driven a car after that. My guru advised me (when i proudly showed him my license) - "Please don't drive, you will send a lot of people to heaven, and your co-passengers would either become Very God Conscious out of fear or slip into a coma (which ever hits first). There are many better ways to bring people closer to God"

Hmmm.., perhaps i should re-learn to drive the car! Miss the looks of horror in the rear view and side mirrors.

Perhaps one day i will tell about my co-students (Ms. Arthritis) and how i actually managed to get my licence, which is mainly used as ID at Airports.